The cat (lighttirade) wrote,
The cat

Looking for comments/advice/criticism on a sonnet.

This is something I was going to have written on a valentine's day present to the girl who just moved away. One of the things we started doing together is ice skating, something she'd barely done before in her life, but she loves, and something I hadn't been able to do for about 13 or 14 years. So it seemed appropriate to work that in somehow.

This is also my first attemt at an english sonnet, I think. :)

Until the break of dawn I never knew,
what wondrous things awaited for me then,
such pow'rful songs so far beyond my ken,
with harmony and melody that grew,
to glide, to soar, to sweep you off your feet,
We stand above a mirr'r so calm, so still,
once water yet we cannot drink our fill,
but now our movements have become so sweet,
The waters now a surface for our art,
a canvas that is ours to write upon,
we carve its face and yet we're never done,
we stand on blades and yet they never part,
Together we discovered something new,
I never would have found it without you.

And for the fun of it, I decided to try and write a modern-day dirty sonnet. Just because I'm weird like that.

And I did it without using the word 'nantucket'. :)

I think I'd like to see you flash 'dat rack,
That sight would surely knock me off the ground,
Because they are so nice and firm and round,
And then perhaps a quickie in the sack,
With tits like those I want to suck them raw,
to put them in my hands and hold them tight,
to put them in my mouth and lick them right,
you have the hottest bod I ever saw,
I want to touch you there between your thighs,
caress your skin and hold you in my arms,
to work my magic, make you feel my charms,
I want to fuck you hard until sunrise,
and when the night is done and we are spent,
I'd like to think that we both came and went.

Yes, I know, I'm weird. :) And don't worry, the dirty one won't be on the present. Just the nice one.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded